I'm so tired, I just got back from the wedding. The reception was lots of fun, but went until 2AM and by the time everyone had straggled out it was 2:30. The ride back to the hotel was almost a 1/2 hour so we weren't back in the room until 3. I had a really good time with Annie at the wedding, she's a very interesting person and not at all like anyone I've ever dated or even known. She's also a very private person and doesn't like the idea of me blogging about her, even just using her first name (although that cat is out of the bag) so I don't want to say too much more about her.
I will say that I'm paranoid about all my relationships these days, it's really hard or maybe even impossible to know what anyone's true motives are. I keep reminding myself that trust is something that has to been earned, and once earned must be continually renewed. I'm a skeptic by nature, but I'm also as vulnerable as the next guy when it comes to certain things, so I'm trying to be cautious.
I'm also completely deaf in my left ear for some reason. I think I might have an ear infection or something because it hurts and I can't hear a blasted thing out of it.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
old friends, new friends
Not sure what to write about today. I just finished transcribing another chart for the show. Apparently my ex gf is back in town from her trip to LA. She was supposed to call me to arrange a time to come pick up her houseplants either yesterday or today but I guess she forgot. I saw her making plans on facebook to hang out with friends tonight, friends that I used to hang with too. I miss some of those people. I think that's one of the hardest parts about our breakup; losing those good people that I met through her. At first everyone says, "oh, of course we'll still be friends and of course we'll still stay in touch" but gradually people gravitate back to their pre-relationship groups of friends. I guess it might be awkward to go out with them at this point, I don't know.
Annie is still considering coming to the wedding with me this weekend; I really hope she says yes. I had originally planed on going by myself, but then a few weeks ago, I had been hanging out with this girl for a while and she was into going with me so I asked the groom if I could bring a date. They were really accommodating for such a last minute change. Then a few days ago the situation with that girl changed so I was back to going solo and I was frankly a little embarrassed to show up alone after having asked them to include another person. So if Annie says yes I'll be psyched. She's mad cool and we really like a lot of the same things, snowboarding, sushi, traveling, etc. but the truth is that I don't really know too much about her as a person, so this weekend would be a great chance to find out more.
Anyway, it should be interesting!
Annie is still considering coming to the wedding with me this weekend; I really hope she says yes. I had originally planed on going by myself, but then a few weeks ago, I had been hanging out with this girl for a while and she was into going with me so I asked the groom if I could bring a date. They were really accommodating for such a last minute change. Then a few days ago the situation with that girl changed so I was back to going solo and I was frankly a little embarrassed to show up alone after having asked them to include another person. So if Annie says yes I'll be psyched. She's mad cool and we really like a lot of the same things, snowboarding, sushi, traveling, etc. but the truth is that I don't really know too much about her as a person, so this weekend would be a great chance to find out more.
Anyway, it should be interesting!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Autumn in August
It's grey and chilly outside; a preview of autumn in late August. Perfect weather for running so I'm going to get out there as soon as I've had a suitable amount of coffee to wake up. I still have tons of prep to do for the 9/12 show so that'll be my focus today. I can't believe it's in two weeks! I haven't performed for months and I'm looking forward to it, I'm hearing that there might be a bunch of shows this fall which is great; I love being on stage and I miss it.
This weekend I'm going to a friend's wedding in NJ, I think I mentioned it in a post a couple days ago. The situation with the girl I was going to go with has changed and so I'm going by myself which sucks. I decided to ask Annie to go with me last night but it's so last-minute for her, and we've only really been out a couple of times, so the idea of going to a wedding together might be a little weird for her. So it looks like I'll be the single guy without a date at the wedding :(
This weekend I'm going to a friend's wedding in NJ, I think I mentioned it in a post a couple days ago. The situation with the girl I was going to go with has changed and so I'm going by myself which sucks. I decided to ask Annie to go with me last night but it's so last-minute for her, and we've only really been out a couple of times, so the idea of going to a wedding together might be a little weird for her. So it looks like I'll be the single guy without a date at the wedding :(
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
The Heat Of The Moment
And now you find yourself in '82
The disco hotspots hold no charm for you
You can't concern yourself with bigger things
You catch the pearl and ride the dragon's wings
They just don't write lyrics like this anymore... I mean, anytime you can sing about disco hotspots and dragons in the same stanza... pure genius.
The disco hotspots hold no charm for you
You can't concern yourself with bigger things
You catch the pearl and ride the dragon's wings
They just don't write lyrics like this anymore... I mean, anytime you can sing about disco hotspots and dragons in the same stanza... pure genius.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Strange Night
Last night was strange; a little sad at first and then kind of wonderful.
If you've been following my blog you know that I started casually hanging out with a girl a couple months ago and it kind of developed into something. It's a little hard to define it, basically a friendship with benefits I guess, but that doesn't really sound right. It's definitely not a "relationship" because technically she's already got one of those, but neither of us can deny that we have developed feelings for each other. Anyway, things came to a head between her and her other guy last night and she's freaking out about it and needs space to sort it all out. I really like her, but one of my goals is a drama-free life and I just don't get what's going on with her and the decisions she's making and not making. So that kind of sucked. We had plans to go to a wedding together this weekend but I think I might be going solo.
Then there's Annie, the girl I met on the plane a little more than two weeks ago. We'd only been out once if you don't count the six hours we spent on the plane together and I was eager to see her again, so when I found myself at 'In Vino' having the meatballs (really, really good) and a beautiful glass of Barbaresco, I decided to see if she was free. She walked her dog over to meet me and then we made our way over to a small bar on sixth street. Even though the place was empty, they wouldn't let her dog inside. Our plan was just to have one glass of wine and hang out for a few minutes, so she tied him up outside and we went in. At this point I should describe her dog. He's a big, beautiful, jet-black Mastiff. One of the sweetest dogs I've ever met, really gentle and totally devoted to her; he's also 130lbs. So... before we even sat down to have our wine, he (the dog) was nervous about being tied up, and she (Annie) was nervous about him being nervous. We took a table by the window and Annie decided to move him closer to the window so she could keep an eye on him. The only thing to tie him too on that side was the smoker's bucket. For those of you who don't know, NYC is smoke-free and so bars often put a metal pail filled with sand outside for their patrons who smoke. I don't know what happened next, but somehow the dog got FREAKED out and bolted down the street at full speed with the bucket tied to his leash. It was horrible, the sound of the bucket hitting the pavement kept freaking him out and he was in full-panic mode. He ran into the street and around the block and it's a miracle that he wasn't hit by a car. Annie was in shock, so I took off and tried to catch up to him. It was dark and he was so far ahead of me and out of control that I quickly lost sight of him but the neighborhood people were all helpful, shouting out, "he turned left" or, "he's on 7th St". By some miracle I was able to catch up to him and he, confused and scared, let me take his leash. The happy ending is that he's ok, and once Annie calmed down we had our wine and actually wound up having a really good time.
So I guess all my running finally paid off in a way. I was a hero, and she was suitably impressed.
If you've been following my blog you know that I started casually hanging out with a girl a couple months ago and it kind of developed into something. It's a little hard to define it, basically a friendship with benefits I guess, but that doesn't really sound right. It's definitely not a "relationship" because technically she's already got one of those, but neither of us can deny that we have developed feelings for each other. Anyway, things came to a head between her and her other guy last night and she's freaking out about it and needs space to sort it all out. I really like her, but one of my goals is a drama-free life and I just don't get what's going on with her and the decisions she's making and not making. So that kind of sucked. We had plans to go to a wedding together this weekend but I think I might be going solo.
Then there's Annie, the girl I met on the plane a little more than two weeks ago. We'd only been out once if you don't count the six hours we spent on the plane together and I was eager to see her again, so when I found myself at 'In Vino' having the meatballs (really, really good) and a beautiful glass of Barbaresco, I decided to see if she was free. She walked her dog over to meet me and then we made our way over to a small bar on sixth street. Even though the place was empty, they wouldn't let her dog inside. Our plan was just to have one glass of wine and hang out for a few minutes, so she tied him up outside and we went in. At this point I should describe her dog. He's a big, beautiful, jet-black Mastiff. One of the sweetest dogs I've ever met, really gentle and totally devoted to her; he's also 130lbs. So... before we even sat down to have our wine, he (the dog) was nervous about being tied up, and she (Annie) was nervous about him being nervous. We took a table by the window and Annie decided to move him closer to the window so she could keep an eye on him. The only thing to tie him too on that side was the smoker's bucket. For those of you who don't know, NYC is smoke-free and so bars often put a metal pail filled with sand outside for their patrons who smoke. I don't know what happened next, but somehow the dog got FREAKED out and bolted down the street at full speed with the bucket tied to his leash. It was horrible, the sound of the bucket hitting the pavement kept freaking him out and he was in full-panic mode. He ran into the street and around the block and it's a miracle that he wasn't hit by a car. Annie was in shock, so I took off and tried to catch up to him. It was dark and he was so far ahead of me and out of control that I quickly lost sight of him but the neighborhood people were all helpful, shouting out, "he turned left" or, "he's on 7th St". By some miracle I was able to catch up to him and he, confused and scared, let me take his leash. The happy ending is that he's ok, and once Annie calmed down we had our wine and actually wound up having a really good time.
So I guess all my running finally paid off in a way. I was a hero, and she was suitably impressed.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
As Much as I Want To
It's funny how certain songs make you think of specific places or people. I drove down Ocean Parkway today to a pizza joint in Gravesend after our Bocce victory today. Passing by Cortelyou and then Foster brought back such a familiar feeling. I could imagine her in my car right next to me, I still have the same CDs in the player and it all came flooding back to me. I have to admit that now after everything I know, as much as I want to hate her, I don't feel anything but love for her. The three years we had were without question the happiest of my life since early childhood. I would never let her back into my life now; the trust is gone, but there is still love.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Love Has Got A Line On Me
I'm trying to figure out what's appropriate to blog about and what's not tonight, specifically regarding my personal relationships these days. Where is the line and how do I know when I've crossed it? There is a lot of titillating stuff I could write about, but why? Does anyone really care about my love life? After all, the point of my blog isn't to compete with Penthouse Forum or even Harlequin Romance novels..... So for tonight, let's just say that sometimes fantasies really do come true, and leave it at that ;)
Friday, August 21, 2009
Hot Friday
It's going to be another hot one today. I'm excited to see Annie tonight. No, the musical about the red-haired orphan hasn't returned to broadway (thank god). Annie is the girl I met on the plane back from Miami almost two weeks ago. It's been so long that I'm not really sure I remember what she looks like, but I do remember thinking that she was really hot. I think this date is either going to be REALLY good, or REALLY bad. I have no clue which way it will go though. We'll find out :)
Thursday, August 20, 2009
ugh
Today is my ex-girlfriend's birthday. I understand from someone's comment on facebook that she's in LA celebrating in her usual dramatic fashion. I know she has one or two friends there, but I imagine she's there because of someone in particular. It's really hard to come to terms with that even months later.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
I told you so
Anyone who didn't buy a ton of citigroup when it was like $1.50 a share (or maybe less) a few months ago was a fool. I'm not going to name names in order to protect the foolish and save them from public humiliation.
呂方跟李翊君演唱会
If anyone wants tickets let me know asap. This is a VIP show so the tickets aren't really even for sale, but I can probably get one or two from the promoter. 
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Follow Up
She got a new phone and she called me this afternoon. We're on for Friday night, let's see what happens :)
addendum
The description of the girl i met on the plane in no way shape or form reflects my opinion of anyone else's looks. ;)
I'm not really sure what happened but...
I had a date last night, at least I thought I was supposed to have one, but I think I got stood-up!
I met a unbelievably beautiful girl on the plane back from Miami last Monday, I mean like drop-dead, jaw-dropping good looking, and you could say that we... um... (sound of throat clearing)... "hit it off" on the plane, so we exchanged numbers and agreed that we'd both like to go out for a real date. We talked later that night and decided that maybe Wednesday or Thursday would be good. She called me the next day to say that she had a "friend in town" and so could we do something on the weekend instead. That was fine with me so we set Sunday evening as the date.
OK, here's where it gets a little confusing: SHE called me on Saturday to confirm the date, SHE said she wanted to make sure that I hadn't forgotten about HER (I hadn't). She said she wanted to eat at 6:30 or 7:00 and that we'd talk Sunday in the day to set a place. So Sunday afternoon I'm at Crate & Barrel looking at furniture and I decide to call her to close the deal, but i get her voicemail; as I'm leaving her a message my phone tells me I've got an email. The email is a notice that she's left me a message on Facebook (starting to get strange). The message says "I lost my blackberry :(". So I'm thinking ok, not a big deal, maybe dinner's going to be a little later than we thought, but no problem. So I reply on Facebook telling her I'm in Manhattan and I leave my number so she can call me once she replaces her phone, which I assume is what she's doing. I wait..... I wait... I wait.... nothing. no call, no email, no text, no Facebook message reply, nothing! So I wait until 7:15 and then, confused, I get in a cab and go back to my apartment, order dinner, open a nice bottle of Gavi and enjoy an evening at home by myself.
It's Monday morning now and she still hasn't contacted me to apologize or explain what happened! She changed her FB status to let her friends know that she lost her phone so I believe that really happened, but WTF?
It's got to be the strangest way to get stood-up, right? I'm not emotionally invested in this girl so I don't feel hurt exactly,
I'm more confused than anything. I'm just wondering if there is going to be a call at some point and how I want to react to it if it happens. I guess it depends on what she says, although I'm being encouraged by my advisors to blow her off. We'll see.
I met a unbelievably beautiful girl on the plane back from Miami last Monday, I mean like drop-dead, jaw-dropping good looking, and you could say that we... um... (sound of throat clearing)... "hit it off" on the plane, so we exchanged numbers and agreed that we'd both like to go out for a real date. We talked later that night and decided that maybe Wednesday or Thursday would be good. She called me the next day to say that she had a "friend in town" and so could we do something on the weekend instead. That was fine with me so we set Sunday evening as the date.
OK, here's where it gets a little confusing: SHE called me on Saturday to confirm the date, SHE said she wanted to make sure that I hadn't forgotten about HER (I hadn't). She said she wanted to eat at 6:30 or 7:00 and that we'd talk Sunday in the day to set a place. So Sunday afternoon I'm at Crate & Barrel looking at furniture and I decide to call her to close the deal, but i get her voicemail; as I'm leaving her a message my phone tells me I've got an email. The email is a notice that she's left me a message on Facebook (starting to get strange). The message says "I lost my blackberry :(". So I'm thinking ok, not a big deal, maybe dinner's going to be a little later than we thought, but no problem. So I reply on Facebook telling her I'm in Manhattan and I leave my number so she can call me once she replaces her phone, which I assume is what she's doing. I wait..... I wait... I wait.... nothing. no call, no email, no text, no Facebook message reply, nothing! So I wait until 7:15 and then, confused, I get in a cab and go back to my apartment, order dinner, open a nice bottle of Gavi and enjoy an evening at home by myself.
It's Monday morning now and she still hasn't contacted me to apologize or explain what happened! She changed her FB status to let her friends know that she lost her phone so I believe that really happened, but WTF?
It's got to be the strangest way to get stood-up, right? I'm not emotionally invested in this girl so I don't feel hurt exactly,
I'm more confused than anything. I'm just wondering if there is going to be a call at some point and how I want to react to it if it happens. I guess it depends on what she says, although I'm being encouraged by my advisors to blow her off. We'll see.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Un Amarone Buonissimo
I had the nicest Amarone with dinner last night. I should have taken a pic of the label but I was a little distracted. A good friend of mine suggested a restaurant/wine bar called 'In Vino'. The food was very good, but the wine list was extraordinary. I highly recommend it if you find yourself in alphabet city. (E 4th St btwn A & B).
Friday, August 14, 2009
Wait... what?
So it's Friday? It's 5:30? Wha Happun? I feel like I lost two days. This girl that I've been hanging out with came over this afternoon in her bikini to lay out in the sun on my terrace. I'm not sure what happened to my day..... but this is why I get nothing done in my life! Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I appreciate every day for the gift that it is. I just wish I wasn't such a sucker for pretty girls, it's gotten me into real trouble before..... add it to my list of things to work on. :)
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Afternoon Delight
OK, Starland Vocal Band reference, not cool but appropriate in describing my day so far. I meant to have a productive day, but it surprisingly degenerated into something more bacchanalian, and yes, delightful.
I really need to buckle down and get some disciplined workouts on the bass in every day but I'm having trouble making that happen. I've got a big show coming up in a few weeks and my chops are shit right now. I somehow manage to get my runs in occasionally though; I did get a good three-mile speed workout in with some hills this morning.
My life is good; The sadness is fading, I'm surrounded by beautiful women and great food. What more could a man want?
So now I'm ready for a nap lol. but I need to make myself run through the charts I've got and also try to bang out a rough chart for 沙沙的雨 which is actually a funky(ish) cover of 'laughter in the rain' (neil sedaka?). The Chinese title isn't really translatable 沙沙 is an onomatopoeia pronounced "sha sha" which I guess is like the sound of raindrops so we're calling it "the sound of the rain".
I'll be back to post more later.
I really need to buckle down and get some disciplined workouts on the bass in every day but I'm having trouble making that happen. I've got a big show coming up in a few weeks and my chops are shit right now. I somehow manage to get my runs in occasionally though; I did get a good three-mile speed workout in with some hills this morning.
My life is good; The sadness is fading, I'm surrounded by beautiful women and great food. What more could a man want?
So now I'm ready for a nap lol. but I need to make myself run through the charts I've got and also try to bang out a rough chart for 沙沙的雨 which is actually a funky(ish) cover of 'laughter in the rain' (neil sedaka?). The Chinese title isn't really translatable 沙沙 is an onomatopoeia pronounced "sha sha" which I guess is like the sound of raindrops so we're calling it "the sound of the rain".
I'll be back to post more later.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
I know it
Ok, I'm a lucky-ass son-of-a whatever and please don't think for a second that I don't know it..... I do.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
long-ass day
Yesterday was crazy. My flight was late departing from the gate, then had to go back to the gate because of an "anomaly". We waited on the plane for three hours for them to fix the problem. When we finally arrived at LaGuardia the baggage situation was horrible. None of the bags from
My flight came out until an hour after landing. I can't complain too much though, you can sometimes meet really interesting people on planes :)
My flight came out until an hour after landing. I can't complain too much though, you can sometimes meet really interesting people on planes :)
Monday, August 10, 2009
Monday Monday
I had a great weekend. I had some serious beach-time, some really good food, and a lot of fun. I'm packing up now. A little sad to go, but home is in New York. I'll be back.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
afternoon
Back at the hotel after lunch. It cleared up outside and got HOT! I managed to do something to my back dancing last night so I'm getting a massage before I hit the beach for the last time. Man I feel old, not too many other guys my age out there. I gotta work out more.
Looking for Lunch (in all the right places)
It occurs to me as I'm back out on Lincoln looking for a lunch spot, that a single guy could really have a good time here. I mean I love Brooklyn, but it's kind of off-the-hook here.
Mobile Blogging from here.
Mobile Blogging from here.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Saturday night
So it's a Saturday night in south beach. Everyone in Italy takes the month of August off and at least half of them come here. It's amazing walking across Lincoln road, you wouldn't believe this many beautiful people could exist. The great part is that the Italian restaurants (and there are a lot of them) are all superb. I just had a great meal and now I'm heading back over to Collins to find a party. I've got Eros Ramazzotti on my iPod and I feel like dancing and meeting people tonight, it's hot and the moon is out. I love this life. :)
Mobile Blogging from here.
Mobile Blogging from here.
Dinner
Seriously, the best food I've had since the last time I was in Sardegna. The restaurant is called Sardinia and it's really authentic. Amazing, words can't do it justice. It's also way off the main drag so no tourists. Absolutely fantastic.
La Playa
Ok, I'm in South Beach. I hope Capt. Fogg doesn't hate me for not making a family visit but I really needed some time alone on a beach and I'm only here for two days. So far I'm getting exactly what I needed.
Planes at LGA
Decided to get out of Dodge for a couple days. Too much drama in my life here for now.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Texts
I just got my phone bill for July. My text messaging was off the charts. I've never even come close to the limit I had on my plan but I was 10 times over in July! Needless to say I just switched to an unlimited plan, but maybe that's wishful thinking...
Another Beautiful Day
Today looks like a beautiful day. It's bright and sunny, not too hot, a light breeze; perfect summer weather.
I'm feeling a little blue today. The email exchange I had with Nam yesterday was on my mind all night. It brought out so many emotions, not all good ones either. I don't understand where she's coming from anymore and I really don't understand why she refuses to talk it out face to face. I asked her not to email me anymore until she's ready for that, but I'm not so sure if it will ever happen.
I'm also bumming because the girl who I've become really close to over the last month (the one in my poem) has been in a relationship with someone for a while. Our connection is deep and has her confused and she's decided to take two weeks to try to figure out what is going to happen with him. Out of respect, I'm staying out of the picture until she's sure about what she wants. It sucks for me because we were sharing everything with each other and were both getting a lot out of it. Now I've got nobody but my buddies to talk to.... and my shrink.
I did make a new connection this week with someone who was suggested to me as an Italian language conversation partner. To be honest, there hasn't been much conversation, but that's not necessarily a bad thing ;) As my friend Maurizio put it, "she's teaching you the REAL language of Italy" lol.
I need to crank out another chart for the Sept show. I'm going down the 呂方 set in order so the next one is 養你一世. After that I need to get some road miles in. My speed is getting back up to where I like it but my stamina isn't quite there yet. Then I'm meeting Anna for lunch, it's her birthday so I'm going to take her somewhere special, then who knows......
I'm feeling a little blue today. The email exchange I had with Nam yesterday was on my mind all night. It brought out so many emotions, not all good ones either. I don't understand where she's coming from anymore and I really don't understand why she refuses to talk it out face to face. I asked her not to email me anymore until she's ready for that, but I'm not so sure if it will ever happen.
I'm also bumming because the girl who I've become really close to over the last month (the one in my poem) has been in a relationship with someone for a while. Our connection is deep and has her confused and she's decided to take two weeks to try to figure out what is going to happen with him. Out of respect, I'm staying out of the picture until she's sure about what she wants. It sucks for me because we were sharing everything with each other and were both getting a lot out of it. Now I've got nobody but my buddies to talk to.... and my shrink.
I did make a new connection this week with someone who was suggested to me as an Italian language conversation partner. To be honest, there hasn't been much conversation, but that's not necessarily a bad thing ;) As my friend Maurizio put it, "she's teaching you the REAL language of Italy" lol.
I need to crank out another chart for the Sept show. I'm going down the 呂方 set in order so the next one is 養你一世. After that I need to get some road miles in. My speed is getting back up to where I like it but my stamina isn't quite there yet. Then I'm meeting Anna for lunch, it's her birthday so I'm going to take her somewhere special, then who knows......
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Not the best day ever
I had such an interesting day. full of really high highs and really low lows. I had an amazing, beautiful time with a very special girl I met recently, and yet I also felt a deep yearning all day long to talk with someone else who means more to me than she should, someone with whom I can no longer speak, at least for a while (a very complicated situation). Then there was my ex-girlfriend who suddenly appeared in my inbox, who still can't bring herself to call me or meet me face-to-face. That is both frustrating and infuriating. My feelings for her are so intense and I fear that the longer they stew the worse the release will be when we inevitably are forced to confront each other.
So it's been a drama-filled day. I really need one or two without drama, but I'm not sure that is in the cards for me for a while.
Well, at least I know I'm alive, right?
Tomorrow is another day :)
So it's been a drama-filled day. I really need one or two without drama, but I'm not sure that is in the cards for me for a while.
Well, at least I know I'm alive, right?
Tomorrow is another day :)
La Bistecca
Having the bistecca at Fragole tonight. Not bad, but a far cry from le quattro leoni di Firenze.
Drama
Breakups are so complicated. Unbelievable drama about the stupidest shit. Making arrangements to pick up some freakin' houseplants that belong to her, having to have a third party do it because she's still unable/unwilling to see to me face-to-face. Am I going to so-and-so's wedding, because if I am, she's not.... geeeeez. I can live without this drama right now, I was doing so well. Practically no contact at all for weeks, and then like 10 emails back and forth in an hour, trivial, mundane shit but fully charged with all of the pent-up, unspoken anger seeping out from between every word. UGH
2010
My plan for this year was to run the 9 requisite races in order to qualify for guaranteed entry into next year's ING NYC Marathon. I ran my first three qualifiers in the first three months of this year, then I stopped running. Well, I never completely stopped but I was so depressed during April, May and June that I could barely motivate to do anything - especially anything good for myself.
So now here I am in August starting to get my legs back and feeling motivated to complete my plan. There's a snag - there are not that many qualifiers left this year that I can run. The Chinese show in September and my trip to Europe knock out three or four potential races, and what I'm left with are exactly 6 more (the number I need) that I could potentially run. So I registered for the first one which is in Harlem on Aug 22nd, but in order for this to work I'll have to run every weekend in December which means if a Christmas gig comes up (which usually happens) I'll have to take it and I won't qualify for 2010. UGH.....
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
a poem for her
pale eyes
a hazy summer sky
or a mountain seen from miles away
restless, craving, never calm
she falls
how can she be so frail
and yet so strong
what draws me to her
half-crazed with doubt
pale skin
a winter morning
or a storm cloud ripe to bursting
wanting to be touched
she waits
how can she be in love
and yet be alone
what needs lie there
unfulfilled
good day
I think today is going to be really good. I've got a lot of work to do to prepare for the September Chinese show, I've got an accupuncture session and hopefully I'll get a nice run in before it gets too hot this morning. I didn't have any alcohol yesterday which was really good for me after Monday night's excess. I'm going to try to wait for the weekend before having another drink and I might fast either today or tomorrow as well.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
one of those nights
ever have a night that you wish you could "do-over", well last night was one of those nights for me. drank way too much, drunk-texted things i shouldn't have said to someone I really care about, and generally made an ass of myself. bad... really bad....
Monday, August 3, 2009
The End Of The Tunnel
Finally some real light in my life. I'd been to some very, very dark places since the end of May. Losing Nam was utterly devastating to me. Most everyone I speak with including my therapist tells me that it will take more than a year for me to fully "get over her" and completely heal from this. I don't know, I can't think in those terms; I'm too impatient!
I am starting to feel like myself again and much of the credit for that goes to a girl I met a few weeks ago. She is someone who's gone through a similar situation in her recent past, and we find that we can really understand each-other's pain and we also seem to relate well on a lot of other levels too. The best part is that she's also really, really good looking so if this turns into something more, well.... who knows.
