Gone

last post was March 17th. My whole life has changed since then. Nam left me! I dropped her off at JFK on April 5th with tears in both of our eyes, so she could do a 7 week run of Saigon out west. She came back on May 23rd saying that she didn't love me anymore, and she moved out of our apartment on the 25th. The reasons are many and still confusing (even to me). Out of respect I won't get into details of what transpired to cause this sudden and complete change of heart, but suffice it to say that it was and continues to be a shock to me that certain events transpired the way they did and that even after both of us offering forgiveness, she just wanted to end it. No attempt to reconcile.. over 3 years together and that's it... nothing, just over. I'm utterly devastated. I foolishly put my faith in her vows and promises to me that she loved me and wanted to be with me forever. I stupidly poured all of my energies and passions into creating and maintaining what I thought was a really beautiful love affair with the most beautiful woman I have ever known, only to be sucker-punched with this out-of-the-blue situation. It's still unreal to me...  I still awaken every morning reaching out for her across the bed. My emotions vacillate between complete anger at her for what she did and intense longing to see her and feel her again. I have no choice but to resign myself to the fact that she is gone forever and there is nothing I can do about it. I am moving slowly onward into the darkness without a compass, without a star to guide me. "dove sarai anima bella? stella gemella dove sarai?"